Four Ways to be a Better Husband

There are many challenges to being the best husband you can be to your spouse. For one thing, most men are not raised to be focused on the important relationships in their lives. There is often a competitive nature to most boy relationships and little attention paid to the ways we can be a better friend to others. And as we grow to adulthood there can be a lack of empathy that was not developed because expressing feelings, besides anger, was seen as showing weakness.

And at some point, men find themselves in a long-term relationship or marriage and their partner needs more from them. Things like emotional support and the ability to step in and take on non-traditional roles to help their family function better. So, let’s look at four ways that you can become a better husband and have a higher level of satisfaction in your marriage or partnership.

1.     Do at least half of the housework. Things like vacuuming, doing the dishes and grocery shopping. John and Julie Gottman have studied couples for over thirty years and have written many books on their insights. One of the key things they discovered after interviewing thousands of couples was that a key factor in keeping them happy was that the male did at least fifty percent of the housework. It is not your nineteen fifties marriage anymore. The men that pitch in and are active in maintaining the home ended up with much more satisfied marriages.

2.     Anticipate your spouse’s needs. This would include things like having the front door unlocked if you are expecting your spouse to come back from a grocery trip. And being ready to haul in bags and unpack them. Also tracking the movement of laundry so that you can move things from the washer to the dryer without your spouse needing to track it. Also, things as basic as leaving the toilet seat down after you use it in anticipation of her next visit to the bathroom. Paying attention to what she says about a restaurant she would like to try or a spot to go for a drink.

3.     Be more involved with your kids. I assume you are involved but perhaps step it up by showing up at school for field trips and other school events. It is so rare for men to be at school it is often welcomed by the staff and good for your kids and other youngsters to see a man involved there. If you are not already doing it try and spend more time with your kids and notice their interests that you might encourage and what their dreams are for their future. Especially if your kids are ten or older it is a good time to take them to museums, to your work or other places where they are exposed to the bigger world. It has been said that “The first decade of the child’s life belongs to the mother and the second decade to the father.” So, expose them to that bigger world to help them grow.

4.     Be more vulnerable. Because of the ways boys are raised we as men often don’t share our feelings. It is very important in a marriage to be able to express what we are feeling and be able to be open. I know the definition of vulnerable is being weak or defenseless, but it is by taking that risk to say things like, “I am scared to talk about my feelings. I am afraid I will look like a wimp.” Or “I am afraid of what will happen when I am not around, and the kids are out in the world.” Showing your spouse, the parts of you that are not strong is a way to be open to their feelings and a way to be more connected. Conversations can go from, “How was your day?” “Just fine.” To a much deeper understanding of each other.

Give the four ways to be a better husband a try and ask for feedback from your spouse so you can fine tune the needed changes to make your marriage wonderful.

Click here for more information on Men’s Counseling.