When I am working with couples it helps me make sense of the challenges they face by using song titles to create categories to understand the stages and challenges of relationships. It adds an element of play and helps break the sense of isolation that couples feel when they think they are the only relationship that is struggling. 

In the twenty-five years that I have been a couples’ therapist I have noted the things that couples come in wanting from each other and are not getting. These things can be healthy and attainable but their absence are often the source of conflict and hurt feelings.

1. Clear communication: The goal is that each person clearly communicates what it is they want and/or need from the other person. Neither person expects the other to be a “mind reader” and just know what the other is wanting. I tell couples I counsel that what is “not said” in a relationship is just as important as what is said...