Making Peace with Your Past
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One of the most difficult and necessary things that we can do in our lives is to come to terms with the emotional and/or physical traumas from our childhood.
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Blog
Filling Your Tank
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Are you feeling depleted? Tired or depressed? It could be that your stroke tank is getting low. What is a stroke tank? A stroke tank is a psychological theory called Transactional Analysis. As its name implies it is about the analysis of the transactions (conversations or interactions) that happen between people and their impact. It was created by Eric Berne, a psychiatrist in the nineteen-fifties.
Read MoreMen and Grief
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The poet and men’s movement leader Robert Bly once said: “If you enter a room filled with women you will notice the liveness and range of expression and laughter that is present. Enter a room filled with men and you will notice how somber and the steady low register of the voices in that room. That is because men have so much unexpressed grief.”
Read MoreThe Five Things that Daughters Need from Their Dads
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Dad’s set the bar for what daughters will expect to get from their future romantic partners and male friendships. The healthier the relationship is between the two of them the more likely that girl will grow up to have a healthy partnership with positive outcomes for all involved. Often times it is difficult initially for dads to know what daughters need from them in life. I hope the list below is of help.
Read MoreMarriage Meetings
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It is a really good idea for couples to schedule weekly “marriage meetings” whether married or not. The purpose of these meetings is to create a regular opportunity for you to connect and take care of and assess your “state of the union.”
Read MoreCouples Work in Song
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When I am working with couples it helps me make sense of the challenges they face by using song titles to create categories to understand the stages and challenges of relationships. It adds an element of play and helps break the sense of isolation that couples feel when they think they are the only relationship that is struggling.
Read MoreMovie Review of “The Mask You Live In”
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The documentary “The Mask You Live In” explores how the unhealthy way we raise boys in our culture to the detriment of themselves, their relationships and the larger society.
Emotional expression is suppressed through bullying and humiliation. They are shamed or ostracized for crying, showing fear or emotional pain. Showing emotion is labeled and discounted as being for girls and label such as “being a little girl” are often coupled with “be a man”.
Read MoreThe 5 Things that Men and Women Really Want in Intimate Relationships
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In the twenty-five years that I have been a couples’ therapist I have noted the things that couples come in wanting from each other and are not getting. These things can be healthy and attainable but their absence are often the source of conflict and hurt feelings.
Read MoreThe Five Things Sons Need from Their Dads
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Growing up today is challenging enough for kids, especially boys as they often lack healthy role models for how to be men. Hopefully they have a father that is there and has the following five qualities to share with their sons...
Read More7 Signs of a Healthy Relationship
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1. Clear communication: The goal is that each person clearly communicates what it is they want and/or need from the other person. Neither person expects the other to be a “mind reader” and just know what the other is wanting. I tell couples I counsel that what is “not said” in a relationship is just as important as what is said...
Read MoreThinking About Men
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Over the twenty- five plus years I have worked with men in therapy I have come to some realizations and generalizations about who men are and what makes them that way. In the course of therapy, we address the families they grew up in and the influence they had on the men they have become...
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