3 Things Couples can do to help each other deal with the Trauma of Covid

As we approach the end of 2022, we, at least feel, like the covid pandemic is nearing an end. That may not be the case but the threat that it as posed to our daily lives is in decline. Most of us have been getting boosters and the number of cases has gone down. It feels like we are finally getting a break and we all want to go back to some kind of “normal life.”

It is easy to look ahead and not want to look back on what we have been through and how it has changed us. I think we can use time together as couples to do some useful processing of what it all means. Here are four things you can do with your partner to look back, learn, process and get ready for what is next.

Number 1: Set aside time each week to do a check in. This is always a good thing for your partnership. Communication is a key tool in keeping relationships healthy. Perhaps start with doing The Intimacy Exercise: Sit close, hold hands and have each person share at least one thing they appreciate about the other and a high point of their day. The other does the same. Then proceed to talking about how things are going this week around feeling heard, listened to and understood by your partner. This process is a good warm up to your connection.

Number 2: It is easy to just want to look ahead and move forward with our lives now that covid seeing to be moving further into the rearview mirror. Instead take some time to reflect and share about the things that have changed and are not going to be the same again. Talk with your partner about the way life was pre-pandemic. How it was so easy to travel and take a vacation; just book it and go. Not worrying about wearing masks or if others were going to skip wearing them. How much cash was used as there was no fear of contagion. Mail was something you just picked up and opened. It was a more innocent time where we lived a life without the concerns and fears that became everyday events. All of these are reflections on loss. Make a list of them and say goodbye to the things that are lost and not come back.

Number 3: Continue or come back for another meeting to review the list you have made. Talk with each other about what you miss the most. Write out all of them on pieces of paper and go to a fire pit or fireplace where you can ignite them and say your goodbyes.

Come back inside and sit down. This time write down the ways you are blessed and have gratitude for what you have now: That you survived that difficult time. That you have family, a job, a home and each other to carry forward with. Write these down on cards or pieces of paper. Make a collage or place them in a place in your house where they are visible so you can see them daily.

As the Byrds sang is in “Turn, Turn, Turn” There is a time and a season for everything under heaven. You have been through a most troubling hardship, and you have survived. Count your loses and your blessings. It will make you stronger to share them with each other.