A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

I just finished watching A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood starring Tom Hanks. I was brought along into the magic and substance of what Mr. Rogers brought to the world when he spoke this line: “We are trying to give people a positive way of dealing with their feelings.” It holds many parallels to what therapy is all about.

The film tells the story of Lloyd Vogel, a cynical journalist played by Matthew Rhys, who is told to write a short piece on Mr. Rogers. An assignment he considers beneath him and calls “a puff piece.”

We watch him at his sister’s wedding acting out his anger and disgust at his father by arguing and then punching him in the face. He is holding a grudge for his father’s abandonment of the family during his mother’s fatal illness.

When he finally meets and interviews Rogers he is taken aback and distrustful of his openness and genuine interest in him as a person. He walks about the set of the television show seeing behind the scenes as Rogers plays multiple roles as a puppeteer and host. Is the man another faker who creates artifice to deceive others or to invite them into a better place: The Land of Make Believe.

The interview is cut short, but he finds himself drawn to what Rogers is sharing and who he is. Without wanting it to be the true he begins to discover that he is who he presents to be: A genuinely kind, intelligent man with a mission to help children.

Vogel later encounters his father at his apartment and wants nothing to do with him and orders him to leave the premises. He finds out his father is dying and with encouragement from Rogers brings his family to stay at his father’s house as he lives out his final days.

There is a touching scene where Lloyd is up in the middle of the night to feed his infant son when his father summons him to the living room to share a drink. With his son contentedly sucks his bottle Lloyd’s father shares his regrets and apologizes for his absence and abandoning him in the final days of his mother’s illness. Sipping the whiskey quietly Lloyd ponders his father’s words and with some effort decides to accept them. At that moment some of the bitterness and anger is released as Lloyd gives his father the grace he had sought.

Rogers even shows up at Lloyd’s father’s home and brings a dessert all the family shares. As he gets ups to leave, he whispers something into Lloyd’s father’s ear. Lloyd follows Rogers out to his car and asks what he said. Rogers replies that he asked him to pray for him and explained that those close to death are also closer to God and wants his prayers to be heard. Not surprising as Roger’s background includes being a minister.

Rogers shares an insight related to his earlier statement about helping people deal with their feelings. He says, “To die is to be human. And anything human is mentionable. Anything mentionable is manageable.” In other words, if we can talk to someone (mention) something that is troubling us then we can learn how to manage the feelings around it. For Lloyd it is the grief, sadness and anger he has held in for so many years.

There is one scene in a Chinese restaurant where they sit waiting for their food and Rogers looks at Lloyd and says, “Just take a minute and think about all the people who loved us into being.” The whole restaurant grows silent as if they were in on the conversation. Rogers looks at Lloyd with deep compassion and knowing as tears from in both their eyes. The minute ends and the conversations and noise resume. A stunning way to bring them both into the moment and make a connection to the sacred.

I was surprised by the films emotional impact on me and the sadness I feel about our world today suffering from the Covid-19 pandemic. We are sorely in need of the kindness and compassion that Fred Roger’s possessed. I am so glad that Lloyd Vogel got to experience it and I witnessed it through him.