Blogpost 7 Ways to Make Therapy Effective for Men
/For therapy to be an effective and helpful process for men here are seven areas to focus on that work for most men.
They are:
1. Working with a male therapist
There can certainly be effective therapy done by working with a female therapist. I think it helps to have a male who has had similar life experiences growing up.
2. Focus on Changing Behaviors, not feelings
Obviously, feelings are important, but it is more helpful to start working with men from what behaviors do you want to change. Men often have a difficult time working with feelings and can feel shame when they are unable to connect to them so it can work better to start with, “How do you want to show up differently in your life.”
3. Talk about and create purpose
Men are by nature, needing to have purpose, a direction and a mission in their lives. The therapy works best when that optic is explored and together the therapist and client come up with a definition of how they are living their life and why that is important to them. Then work on creating a mission statement.
4. Finding a kinship
Men have an innate need to belong to a group, and this can be engaged by creating a bond with their therapist. It helps to have an older, wiser man to become a sounding board. Together he can provide perspective can shared learnings from their lives that help the younger man formulate who they want to become. Building trust takes time and that is why I think therapy is a long-term process.
5. A little encouragement goes a long way.
It helps having a male therapist who can mentor the younger male client so that they see someone who has lived a full life, made plenty of mistakes, and can encourage them to try new things, explore career options, etc.
6. Dealing with grief
A long time ago there was a Men’s Movement lead by a poet, Robert Bly. At one of his talks, he said that if you enter a room full of women you will hear many voices engaged in animated conversations. Enter a room full of men and the voices are low, somber, the conversations are sparse. He said in part, that is because men carry so much unexpressed grief. Grief over now being able to express their losses and hurts because they are afraid of being teased. Or grief over the deaths of loved ones they felt they had to hold back tears to be strong for others, etc. Therapy can be a helpful place to examine those losses and feel the feeling that were suppressed.
7. Expressing Anger.
Therapy can be very helpful for men to express their anger. It can look a lot of different ways from writing down angry thoughts to pounding on pillows. Having a witness and guide can dealing with the powerful energy of anger and integrate it instead of burying it.
Working on these seven things with a male therapist can help men find their purpose, work with feelings and become more whole.
